Do you feel like your partner is committed one moment and then about to break up with you the next? Or maybe you feel like you have agreed on something important, and then your partner doesn’t seem even to remember the conversation? How does inconsistency in a relationship look like, how does it affect you, and is it possible to fix it?
If you see inconsistencies as a recurring problem, then it IS a problem. Long-term inconsistency tends to be a form of manipulation and even abuse. Often, the person doing it might not even realize what’s happening – they are triggered by their own unresolved issues from youth, past relationships, or other places in their lives. Here are some examples of how to figure out what seems to be the issue and deal with it.
Story Stages
Are You in a Relationship With a Person Very Different From You?
There could be many reasons why your partner tends to be inconsistent. Maybe they are just not very thoughtful or organized, and that’s just how they are. Or maybe your partner is doing something that you disagree with, like having an affair or lying to you about buying realistic sex dolls, and they feel guilty about it. Of course, the problem with the second one is that inconsistency can be a form of manipulation.
In both scenarios, what you need to do is try to understand where these inconsistencies come from. Are they related to that specific thing, or is it a general pattern? If it’s a general pattern, then it’s probably not a big deal. You can still talk about it, but if it’s related to something else, you need to understand why this is happening. And for that, you may require help from a therapist.
Is Your Partner Doing Something You Disagree With?
If you have a partner who tends to be inconsistent, there’s a good chance that this is related to some pretty big issues. Maybe your partner lies to you a lot, or perhaps they are cheating on you. Just because they are inconsistent doesn’t mean that all of their actions are bad, but it often means you should take a closer look at what your partner is doing. If you suspect that your partner is deceptive, then it’s time to find out what’s going on. Don’t just accept inconsistency as the way your partner is – dig deeper.
Are You the Inconsistent One?
If you have felt like you are the one who is inconsistent in your relationship, then there’s a good chance that this is true. Sometimes we are just not very organized or thoughtful, and that’s okay! The problem isn’t really that we are inconsistent – the problem is that we claim to be someone we aren’t.
It makes sense that if you say “I love you” and then don’t act like it, then your partner will have doubts about whether or not they can trust you. You should try to make sure that you are consistent in your words and actions. In other words, if the problem is you, don’t blame your partner. Instead, try to resolve the issue together or yourself.
Is There an Underlying Problem in Your Relationship?
We are all inconsistent sometimes. It’s an inevitable part of being human. But if there is an underlying problem in your relationship (like infidelity or lying), then it means an issue is much more severe than you might have thought.
The important thing is to talk about it. Of course, if your partner, for some reason, doesn’t want to communicate, you shouldn’t force them to it. Instead, try to show them how you feel about the relationship and why do you believe it doesn’t work as it should. In other words, try to steer your partner on the right path.
Is It an Ongoing Issue?
Suppose you have been talking about something meaningful with your partner for weeks or months, and nothing seems to have changed in their behavior. In that case, there might be some inconsistency here – but it might not be anything to worry about. When we have conversations about important topics, we might go back and forth about different ideas or opinions until we figure out what we think about something and how we should proceed.
We might also change our minds over time as new information comes up. This kind of back-and-forth process can be frustrating for our partners because they might think that we don’t care or don’t know what we want. But this isn’t necessarily true – if we have been talking about something for weeks or months, then it means either that we care about the topic or that we want to resolve this conflict within our relationship.
Final Note
There are no perfect relationships. After all, we’re only humans. We all have flaws and differences, meaning that there will always be something that partners disagree with. And frankly, that’s what makes each relationship unique.
However, if the issue is more severe than you might have thought initially, it might mean there is an inconsistency in your relationship. If that’s the case, don’t panic. It doesn’t mean you should break up. Instead, try to get to the bottom of the problem and communicate with each other.
And before you start a discussion with your partner, ask yourself the five questions we mentioned above. They will help you steer the conversation on the right direction.
