Going through a divorce is rarely a happy time. Even if it’s something both you and your spouse want, admitting that your marriage is no longer working can be tough to deal with. You might feel a sense of relief, but that doesn’t mean you have no feelings of sadness or regret. However, although a divorce can be difficult emotionally, it doesn’t necessarily have to be hugely contentious. It’s possible to try and keep the peace and ensure your divorce is amicable. Of course, this really requires both parties’ cooperation. But if you’re both on board, you can make an effort to work together and help your divorce go smoothly.
Story Stages
Choose Mediation
If you want to ensure your divorce is as calm as possible, you will want to avoid court wherever possible. This is where mediation can be helpful, giving you the chance to work out the specifics of your separation without having to duke it out in court. You can read more about mediation at https://freedmarcroft.com/what-is-mediation-in-divorce/ to learn what it involves and how it can help you. Mediation enables you to discuss who gets what with a professional to help you out through the whole process.
Set Clear Boundaries
Before you start going through the divorce process, it can be really useful if you are both clear about your boundaries. You can find yourselves unsure about how to behave around each other and what is or isn’t appropriate as you navigate where your relationship has ended up. That’s why it’s important to discuss your personal boundaries around things like communication, seeing each other, and what you expect from each other. It may no longer be appropriate to visit each other on a whim or to expect favors, for example. As well as setting your own boundaries, you need to work on respecting your spouse’s.
Communicate Effectively
Communication is key to an amicable divorce. You both need to be clear about what you want while making sure you are communicating civilly. It can be helpful to have a third party to help you communicate, such as a mediator or a therapist. Even a family member or friend might be able to help you. There are also times when you might need to set boundaries when it comes to communication. If you think it will be hard for you to communicate without negative interactions, keeping communication to a minimum might be what’s best if your main aim is to keep the peace.
Agree to Put Your Children First
When you have children, divorce becomes more complicated. You have to take their needs into account and try to put them first. One of the worst things that can happen in a divorce is for children to be used as a weapon or a bargaining tool. If you want to keep your divorce peaceful, you both need to agree to put your children and their best interests first. You both need to think fairly about what is best for your children, including whether they are old enough to have a say in what happens next.
Maintain Respect for Each Other
Respect for each other is essential during your divorce. It’s not something that will always come naturally, however, especially if there have been certain events that led up to your decision to divorce. But even if you struggle to see your spouse in the same positive way as you did before, you can still make the choice to respect them as a person. Everyone deserves to be treated with basic human decency, even when you feel like they haven’t treated you perfectly. Of course, you should expect them to respect you too, and it’s ok to make yourself heard if you feel like they’re not.
Avoid Blame
As soon as you start blaming each other or keeping score, you can guarantee that your divorce isn’t going to be as peaceful as you want it to be. Yes, you might both have done things wrong or made mistakes. However, getting divorced should be part of the journey to correcting those mistakes, not an excuse to keep bringing them up and using them as ammunition. Try to avoid throwing blame around and focus on the fact that a divorce is what’s best for both of you. It could even improve your relationship with each other, allowing you to be civil and even friends once you’re no longer together.
Try to Do the Right Thing
No one is perfect, and you can’t avoid making mistakes completely. But you can try to do the right thing, even with the knowledge that you won’t get it right 100% of the time. Resolving to act with integrity and try to make the best decisions for everyone involved will help to keep things amicable. It can be hard to avoid focusing on negative emotions and wanting to seek revenge or hold a grudge. But if you can make an honest attempt to do the right thing, you could find yourself in a much happier place.
Look at It from Their Perspective
Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes is never simple. You have to be willing to see things from their perspective, which can sometimes be completely foreign to you. But it’s one of the things that can help put you in a better frame of mind when you’re going through a divorce. Try to understand how they’re feeling and how they’re coping with the divorce. In some circumstances, you might need to be careful of their feelings. If you have come to terms with the divorce and are moving on quicker than them, be careful not to show that off too much. If you have a new love interest, it might be wise to stay discreet for now.
Take Care of Yourself
It can be hard to stay positive when you’re going through a divorce. There can be a lot going on, and plenty of emotions to deal with. It’s important to take care of yourself as much as you can, especially if you want to prevent your state of mind from affecting how you behave. It’s important to make use of your support network and make sure you have people to help you out. You might also find it useful to use a support group, whether online or in-person. It’s also a good idea to find other ways to keep yourself busy and take time for yourself. Taking up a new hobby or picking up an old one again could help you stay positive and see that life will still be fulfilling after your divorce.
Set Goals for Yourself
Concentrating on your own life and not what your soon-to-be-ex partner is doing is one of the best things you can do to avoid any unnecessary drama. While you might not be able to stop caring about them and what their life looks like, you can make a choice to focus on the things you can control. You don’t have a say over what they choose to do next, but you can choose where you’re headed. Setting goals for yourself is a great way to look to the future and think about what’s next in your life.
Pay Attention to Finances
In terms of one of the practical things you can do to prevent arguments during your divorce, prioritizing finances can be key. When there’s so much going on, it can be easy to forget about things like debt or even paying the bills. But you need to agree who is going to pay what and make sure everything is taken care of even before the divorce is complete. A mediator might be able to help you with this, but if you’re willing to do it on your own, you can simply sit down and split your financial obligations between you.
Focus on Forgiveness
Being able to forgive people and let go of hurt allows you to move on when you need to. If you can forgive your spouse for some of the things that may have led up to the divorce, it can make things much easier for both of you. Forgiveness isn’t always easy but taking the time to get there and consciously choosing to forgive is a positive thing to do. Of course, there are times when forgiveness might not be the best choice. When there has been abuse or real hurt, you don’t want to just forget about it. However, it can still be a good idea to work on letting go of anger for your own sake.
Put Things in Writing
When there’s a risk of disagreements over what has been agreed, putting everything in writing can help. When you write things down, there’s a record of what you both agreed to that you can refer to later. This can help with all kinds of things, from arrangements with the kids to how you’re handling your finances.
Keeping the peace during your divorce may be challenging, but it can help you both complete the process as happier people.
