So you just entered a new relationship. You and your boyfriend made things official. The problem is, he starts to try and control you. He already wants to spend way too much time with you. And he asks about everything and everyone. Should you stop it now, or let it continue for a while? Well, if you notice the signs of a controlling boyfriend, we say pull the plug instantly.
The problem is not many women notice these signs. Many of us think that he loves us too much. That is why he calls every 30 minutes or an hour. That is why he asks everything about us. To speak honestly, it is a thin line between a controlling boyfriend and an overly caring boyfriend.
Can you make the difference? We have the signs you can use to spot a controlling boyfriend. Do not limit his behavior to romantic relationships and your relationship. Check how he acts in the other areas of his life. Read on to find out the signs of a controlling boyfriend.
He makes everything your fault
Even minor things that you have nothing to do with. He blames you for everything. As soon as something goes wrong, he takes on the role of a victim and blames you. And the problem is, he truly believes you are responsible.
Expect to hear a lot of “it is your fault” and “you shouldn’t have done this”. Consider these two phrases as red flags.
He criticizes you
Speaking of blaming you, criticizing comes second to that. People who want to control other people make sure they strip them of their confidence. You cannot control a confident person. That is why a controlling boyfriend will try to undermine your confidence. He will make jabs at you both in private and public.
For example, he will never acknowledge when you do something positive. And he might exaggerate your flaws and point out typos. But the worst part? He might make mean jokes about you in front of others, strangers, or friends.
He prevents you from seeing other people
Controlling boyfriends do not want you to see the people you appreciate and love. Why? Because he knows they might point out HIS flaws. He will demand your attention constantly. Gradually, he will isolate you from your friends and family.
He keeps score
Relationships are not about scores. You cannot keep scores and expect to win. But a controlling boyfriend does exactly that. And if you do not do what he wants, he will make you feel guilty. He keeps tabs on every little favor he does for you. And then use it against you.
For example, if he paid for dinner, the next time you crash his place, he will bring it up. Implanting guilt on you is a way to make you more submissive to his requests.
You have to apologize all the time
Do you find yourself saying “sorry” a lot? And doing it even when you haven’t done anything wrong? That is a check in the controlling boyfriend box. He wants to have all the power, and that is why he turns his flaws and faults on you.
Controlling boyfriends do not give unconditional love. Instead, they give you a condition, and if you fulfill it, then it is fine. There are a lot of “if” sequences in this relationship. For example, if you do this, I will help you with that.
He gaslights you
Let’s try to explain the term if you do not know it. A gaslight is a form of psychological manipulation. In it, a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group. As a result, the individual then questions his own memory, judgment, and even perception.
Narcissists do it all the time. Controlling boyfriends as well. How does it work? Well, for example, you told him something a week ago. But he denies you ever told him that. Then you get upset, and he says it is all in your mind. Soon enough, you start second-guessing yourself.
He makes decisions for you
We have to admit. Sometimes, it feels good to have someone make up the decision. But that applies to small things, like dinner, movies, or stuff like that. Women want someone to take the control of the wheel for a while.
But when your boyfriend makes almost all the decisions for you? And he never asks for your opinion? That is a different story.
He creates drama
Controlling people need drama in their life. That is their way of controlling. If everything runs smooth, they cannot function.
For example, when you get a big win at work or somewhere else, he will switch the subject. That is his way of regaining your attention.
He discourages you from a career
Does he support your career choices? How about your professional dreams? If he doesn’t, you might have gotten into a bad relationship. Controlling boyfriends want partners that do not have the same success as them. They want to stay the dominant partner in the house. For example, the one who brings more money into the home.
He gets angry if you disagree
For a controlling person, everything he says holds truth. He doesn’t want people who disagree with him. If you disagree, he feels he lost his power. That is why he will get angry if you do not agree with him.
He acts jealously
If there is one sign you cannot ignore, that is jealousy. And no, he doesn’t call you 10 times per day to check on your wellbeing. He calls to see where you are, who you are with, and what do you do.
And every time he doesn’t fit in your plans, he will act jealously.
He intimidates you
Sometimes, excessive control can go over the limits. Your boyfriend may try to act superior and undermine your reputation. And that can sometimes go over the top with veiled threats in the form of jokes.
He tries to change you
Have you accepted who you are? Well, even if you have, your boyfriend hasn’t. He will try to change and mold you. Why? Well, to suit his interests.
Usually, it starts with little things. For example, the way you dress. It starts with a shirt, and then it finishes with a complete outfit makeover.
What can you do?
So, how to deal with a controlling boyfriend? Can you stay in such a relationship? If you find yourself in a relationship with a possessive boyfriend, there is one thing you have to do it. STOP IT!
No, he will not change. No, he won’t stop trying to control you. The possessiveness will go higher and higher, eventually resulting in an extremely toxic relationship.
Start by talking to close friends and family. Open up, talk with someone you trust. And then, talk to your boyfriend. If you do not feel unsafe, leave the relationship.
At the end of the day, you can even ask for professional help. Many shelters and organizations help women in need.
A possessive relationship will break you emotionally and physically. It will leave a scar on you. The sooner you get out of it, the better.